Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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