I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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