My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
