Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't turn off my feet"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
