how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
