Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
