Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
