Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
