Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
