so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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