Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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