I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
