last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
