grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
