Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
