"it" just moved
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
