You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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