I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
