Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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