I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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