woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
