You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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