I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
