"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
