cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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