awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
