He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
