epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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