Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
