My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
