wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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