The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
