he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
