it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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