I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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