Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize