Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
