Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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