I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
