I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
