You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
