Barsexuality is the new black.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
