So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
