I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
