Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
