you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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