i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
