I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
try to milk me bitch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
