is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize