after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
