OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize