Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
