Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
