Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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