my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
