CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
