Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
