hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
