It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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