I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
