uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You are the jesus of drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
