Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
