I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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