I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
