I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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