I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
