Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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