so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
