i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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