i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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