My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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