Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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