is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
