They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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