she was so not down for the gang bang
I want to walk on stilts...naked
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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