your parents love me but you hate me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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