I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
